


The Luminary's Shadow

by elyvorg



Category: New Dangan Ronpa V3: Everyone's New Semester of Killing
Genre: Angst, Friendship, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Issues, Persona 4 Shadows
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-03
Updated: 2019-01-03
Packaged: 2019-10-03 19:28:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,264
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17289995
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/elyvorg/pseuds/elyvorg
Summary: What if Kaito found himself face-to-face with a physical manifestation of the pain and weakness he’s desperate to hide, right in front of the two people he's most afraid of showing it to?A minor AU set during the otherwise-normal canon storyline in which the phenomenon of Shadow selves from Persona 4 is suddenly a thing. Readers who don't know Persona 4 should still be able to appreciate this story as well, since none of the characters have any familiarity with the concept either.





	The Luminary's Shadow

**Author's Note:**

> To those familiar with how Persona 4 Shadows work, just a heads up that this uses the anime adaptation’s rules in which the host doesn't pass out when their Shadow goes berserk, since that makes for a more interesting story.

The three of them had to have been sitting there chatting for well over an hour by now. Shuichi was beginning to feel tired and could tell that Kaito and Maki were too, but no-one had suggested they head to bed yet. Kaito had just launched into an animated explanation of how his favourite spaceship was the lunar lander because of its pivotal role in making history. It was really just a transparent excuse for them to stay out here for longer, because he had to have noticed that neither Shuichi nor Maki were really listening. None of them wanted this to end.

Shuichi leant back and gazed up at the stars, trying to imagine what the view would look like without that dome in the way. They _would_ escape; tonight had only made him even more determined to do so. He had to find the truth and get them out of here, so that they could keep on being friends like this. Kaito was going to reach those stars one day.

The faint sound of someone coughing a short distance away drew Shuichi out of his thoughts. Kaito paused in his story and frowned, then continued as if it was nothing. Maki tensed, her gaze darting around the school grounds until it settled on the terrace, where the noise was coming from. Through the darkness, Shuichi could make out a figure bent over, mostly hidden behind one of the terrace’s pillars.

That didn’t make sense. There’d been nobody there a minute ago; the three of them would have noticed if anyone else had come outside. Maki got to her feet and began approaching the source of the noise, and Shuichi hurried to follow her. The stranger had stopped coughing and was muttering something Shuichi could make out as he drew nearer.

“W-Why… why am I here? Why now, with them around? Damn it… at this rate, they’re gonna see everything…!”

 _Huh?_ That voice – it was eerily distorted, as if there were multiple layers all speaking at once, but even so, it sounded familiar, sounded like…

“Hey! Who’s there?” Kaito’s voice rang out through the night as he caught up with Shuichi and Maki. “You better show yourself!”

The figure behind the pillar flinched, hesitated for a second, then fled towards the school building. Maki reacted quickly, darting forward even faster to put herself right in their path. As the stranger halted, freezing up like a deer in the headlights, Shuichi finally got a good look at him.

It was… Kaito?

Almost, but not quite. His jacket was missing, and there were faint streaks of blood on his chin, but from that alone it could still have been him. What made the difference were his eyes – not even the fact that they were a strange golden-yellow colour, but the frantic, helpless expression in them as his gaze flitted between Shuichi and Maki without quite looking either of them in the eye.

“Damn it… you were never supposed to see me…” That was definitely Kaito’s voice beneath the layered distortion, yet there was a very un-Kaito-like tinge of desperation to it. “Guess it’s too late now, huh? I shoulda known I’d let you guys down in the end, but…” He trailed off and shrank further on himself.

Shuichi looked to the real Kaito, hoping to make some kind of sense of this, only to find him on high alert, his body tense, jaw clenched, staring fixedly at his double. It was like the way he looked at Monokuma, only without the hatred. Everything about him screamed that he saw this other Kaito as incredibly dangerous – but why? His demeanour was the opposite of threatening. Unless Kaito thought he was some sort of ghost, but… no, Kaito’s fear of ghosts didn’t look anything like this. Whatever he was on edge about here was something much more real.

Shuichi needed answers, and right now it seemed more likely that he’d get them from the newcomer. “Who are you?” he asked him. “Why do you look like Kaito?”

“Is this one of Monokuma’s tricks?” demanded Maki.

That nervous yellow gaze flickered between both of them briefly before shifting off to the side, like he couldn’t bear to look directly at them for long. “No… this isn’t a trick.” He gave a brief, dejected laugh. “If only.”

“No, Maki Roll’s gotta be right,” Kaito put in, his voice forceful. “Bullshit like this has got Monokuma written all over it!”

“Huh?” Kaito’s double stared straight at him in surprise. “I get why Shuichi and Maki Roll don’t recognise me, cuz you never let them see me. But _you_ should know me, right?”

 _He called her Maki Roll like it’s habit,_ Shuichi observed. _It could just be an act, but…_

“Like hell I know you!” Kaito shot back. “I dunno why you think you can wear my face, but there’s only one Luminary of the Stars, and it sure as hell isn’t someone as pathetic as you!”

The double lowered his gaze. “Yeah… I’ve got no right to call myself that, have I?” He winced. “I mean, who would ever look up to me if they saw me like this? I’m nothing but a big failure. I’m weak. I wouldn’t inspire anyone.”

This felt wrong – this was exactly the kind of self-deprecating talk Kaito would never stand for from anyone else, and yet…

Kaito swallowed almost imperceptibly. “Y-Yeah! Just like I said!” he insisted. “So quit it with the copycat act!”

“Heh… I get it,” the double said. “You’re still fighting it, cuz _they’re_ here. If they realised what I was, what I meant, everything would fall apart.” He looked up from the ground, staring pointedly at Kaito. “But still… they were always gonna find out sooner or later, y’know? Hell, knowing Shuichi, he probably already figured it out a while back, right?”

Kaito’s gaze darted to Shuichi, his eyes flashing with alarm and… something else, something that made Shuichi reach for the brim of a hat that wasn’t there. “I… already know?” Shuichi mumbled. “No, I… I don’t… Kaito, what’s going on? What is this thing?”

“I don’t have a goddamn clue who this is,” Kaito growled under his breath. He glared back at his double, raising his voice. “You hear that, asshole? Shuichi _doesn’t_ know, because there’s nothing _to_ know!”

_I asked him ‘what’, but he answered with ‘who’. He’s lying. He knows who this is. But… that has to mean…_

Maki took a step forwards, radiating a threatening aura. “Enough of this nonsense. Explain yourself. Now.”

The other Kaito shrank under her gaze. “B-But, Maki Roll, I—”

Maki’s eyes flashed. “ _Don’t_ call me that! Do you want to die?”

At those words, he flinched, curling in on himself like a cornered animal. “Of course not!” he cried. “I haven’t even gone to space yet! Of course I don’t wanna die! But… there’s nothing I can do!” That yellow gaze of his stared out at nothing at all, lost and desperate. “Because of this stupid illness, I’m gonna die here like a failure without ever saving anyone!”

Before anyone else could react, Kaito shot forward. A loud crack rang out as his fist connected with his double’s jaw. “Shut the hell up!” he roared, his face a frantic mask of anger. “Quit saying that shit with my voice!”

The other Kaito didn’t move from where he’d stumbled, one hand to his face, wincing. All of a sudden, he tensed up and clutched his stomach, covering his mouth as he began coughing. They kept coming, one after another, horrible, guttural, throaty coughs. The same coughs they’d heard at the beginning. Shuichi shared a worried glance with Maki, her face difficult to read. The real Kaito remained fixed where he was, fists clenched, refusing to show a reaction.

When the other Kaito finally stopped coughing and lowered his hand, staring at it helplessly, it was sticky with blood.

Everything fit together. Kaito’s impromptu bathroom breaks. His stomach pains. The fact that he’d suggested talking over exercising for tonight. Damn it, it had been staring Shuichi in the face. Why hadn’t he noticed it sooner?

Kaito was dying.

No. No, surely that couldn’t be the case. The evidence from the _real_ Kaito only indicated he was sick, not that it was life-threatening. Shuichi had to be sure, had to gain a better understanding of the situation.

He turned to Kaito, watching him carefully. “Kaito, this… I don’t know how, but… this is the truth, isn’t it?” Shuichi said. “This is you.”

He desperately wanted to see Kaito smile and reassure him that no, this wasn’t the truth, just an exaggeration made to scare them. That, okay, he was sick, but it wasn’t this serious.

But Kaito didn’t meet Shuichi’s eye. His expression hardened. “What the hell are you talking about, Shuichi?” he growled through gritted teeth. “This guy’s _nothing_ like me.”

The other Kaito let out a hoarse, broken sort of laugh, his voice still tight from all the coughing. “It’s too late,” he rasped. “It’s so obvious who I am. Shuichi can see the truth, but all I can do is run away from it like a coward.”

“ _Shut up_!” Kaito screamed, screwing his eyes shut. “You aren’t me, you bastard! _You aren’t me!_ ”

The moment he said that, the atmosphere changed. The air thrummed with some eerie kind of energy that made the hairs on the back of Shuichi’s neck stand on end. Reddish-black smoke coalesced around the other Kaito as his yellow gaze snapped up towards the real one, for the first time showing something close to anger. “Fine, then!” he yelled. “If you won’t accept me, I’ll deal with everything all by myself!”

More and more black smoky energy poured out of nowhere, swirling and surrounding the other Kaito in a huge growing vortex that obscured him from view. Completely lost as to what was going on but certain that _this_ had to be dangerous, Shuichi backed away in a hurry. Kaito wasn’t moving, either out of shock or stubbornness, but Maki grabbed his arm and dragged him back with her.

As the mass of darkness faded, the first thing Shuichi saw behind it was a cluster of small yet intensely bright lights, high up in the air, shining onto a pair of human figures. The figures were like glittering silver statues, one masculine and one feminine, standing on a huge structure that looked like a strange fusion between a pedestal and… a lunar lander? And as Shuichi’s eyes got used to the brightness, he realised that the lights illuminating the whole thing were more than just a formless mass. They had a distinct shape, like a constellation – the shape of Kaito, striking a dramatic pose as he pointed up towards the heavens. It was as if he was a celestial statue himself. A literal luminary of the stars.

“I am a Shadow, the true self!” the other Kaito’s distorted voice rang out, like he’d just transformed and this was somehow still the same entity – a Shadow? Before Shuichi could think further, the constellation moved, becoming a shapeless cloud of stars that flew towards him and surrounded him in a sphere. The next thing he knew, he was floating, weightless, being lifted up off the ground as if the stars had control over gravity. “Don’t you worry, Shuichi,” came the Shadow’s voice from all around him. “I’ll support you, no matter what it does to me!”

With a series of undignified panicked noises, Shuichi flailed his arms and legs to try and gain some kind of purchase on anything, but there was nothing but air, the lights slipping between his fingers. He heard Kaito yell his name, through the brightness just barely saw Kaito frantically reach out to him, far too late. He was helpless as the sphere of stars lifted him further up and towards the pedestal. Up there, between the statues, they paused for a moment to reorient him and then dropped him on his feet.

Swaying, Shuichi regained his bearings. The stars retreated from around him, but that made it only slightly easier to see. Everything up here gleamed in their light – the statues, the pedestal’s surface; there were even mirrors set up along three of its six edges to reflect more of the glare back at him. Looking in the one direction that wasn’t painfully bright, he peered down over the edge and almost wished he hadn’t. This thing was even bigger than it had seemed from a distance – the pedestal was something like twice his height, added to which it appeared to be hovering about a metre off the ground, ground that was uncomfortably far away.

Shuichi took a step back from the edge, trying not to panic. Why had he been brought up here? As a hostage?

“Damn you!” yelled Kaito as he glared furiously up at the Shadow. “On top of everything else, you’re gonna mess with my sidekick too?!”

“Sidekick? No…” the Shadow murmured. The lights shining into Shuichi’s eyes from all around him shifted. “Maki Roll, too…”

Maki didn’t react – she looked to have switched to her assassin mindset, staring straight ahead as if weighing up her options. In an instant, she came to a decision and dashed towards the school building. “Keep him safe until I get back!” she called over her shoulder as she ran.

“Huh? Wait – Maki Roll, what are you—” Kaito tried to call after her, but if she could hear him she ignored him and kept running.

“D-Don’t worry,” Shuichi said, managing to find his voice. “I’m… I’m sure she’s gone to get weapons from her lab.” Not that he knew how Maki intended to take out a living constellation atop a giant silver pedestal, all without getting him hurt in the crossfire – but if anyone could, surely it was the Ultimate Assassin. “She must have some sort of plan.”

He only hoped he’d be okay for as long as it took her to get back. Still, the Shadow hadn’t done a thing to him since dropping him up here, as if it was waiting for something, had some kind of goal. Was that even possible?

Shuichi still couldn’t quite wrap his head around it. If he’d interpreted the confrontation a minute ago correctly, then this thing he was standing on, these lights – this Shadow – _was_ Kaito, in a way. Like… some kind of physical manifestation of all the thoughts he’d been hiding from them, the pain and weakness he never wanted them to see. Shuichi could see the connection to Kaito in this thing’s form – the initial shape of the constellation, the space-themed elements, the grandeur of it all – but something about it still nagged at him.

He was shaken out of his thoughts by the sound of Kaito letting out a furious battle cry, followed by a momentary jolt of the pedestal as it tilted just slightly to one side before righting itself. Shuichi carefully approached the edge and peered over to see exactly what he’d pictured: Kaito had leapt onto the nearest of the pedestal’s legs and was attempting to climb it. Kaito’s eyes met with Shuichi’s, and he forced a grin. “I’m gonna get you down from there, Shuichi!” he declared. “I’ll do something about all of this!”

Despite his words, he seemed to be having trouble climbing any further, his arms and legs straining to pull himself up to the next highest parts of the structure as if… as if his body wasn’t working to its full potential. As if he was sick enough that it was sapping him of his strength.

“Kaito, I-I don’t know about this,” Shuichi said. How was Kaito even planning to get them both down once he was up here, anyway? “It’s dangerous – maybe you should just wait for—”

“No!” Kaito insisted, finally managing to lever himself upwards out of sheer stubbornness. “I got this!”

The lighting shifted as the constellation flew out from behind Shuichi. The stars moved to orbit Kaito on the pedestal’s leg, reforming themselves into a rotating sphere that surrounded him. “I always say that,” the Shadow said. “I tell everyone, ‘I’ll do something about this’, but I never have a clue what to actually _do_.”

“Shut up!” yelled Kaito. He flailed one of his arms at the lights as if trying to swat them away, to no avail. “Get outta my face!”

“It’s all just empty words I can’t live up to,” his Shadow went on like it hadn’t even heard him. Shuichi had thought the stars were going to lift Kaito off of there, but they still hadn’t – they just kept circling him, faster, their brightness intensifying. “I get people to believe in me, and then all I do is _fail_ them!” The stars flashed, lashing into Kaito with bolts of lightning, their crackle of electricity almost drowning out his cry of pain.

“ _Kaito!_ ” Shuichi rushed to the edge so fast he might have fallen off if he hadn’t caught himself by grabbing the nearest statue’s leg, his heart in his mouth as he watched Kaito tumble to the ground and land flat on his back.

 _I-Is he…_ Shuichi panicked, momentarily unable to think. _No, he’s – he’s breathing. He’s still breathing._ Kaito was even still conscious, his breath coming in tight, pained gasps. He hadn’t fallen that far, but still – that…

“A-Are you okay?” Shuichi called out reflexively, feeling foolish the moment he’d said it; of course he wasn’t—

“C-Course I am…” Kaito managed to say in between breaths. “Di… didn’t even hurt that much. Just… just caught me off guard is all.”

It was all too obvious that he was lying. Shuichi could see Kaito straining like he was struggling to stand up but in too much pain to do so. “Take it easy!” he told him. “Don’t try to move—”

“I’m _fine_!” Kaito insisted. “I’ll… I’ll be able to move again in a second, just you watch!”

“No…” murmured the Shadow. “I can’t do anything. So many people have been killed, and I couldn’t save a single one of them.” The cluster of stars floated back up to the top of the pedestal, but rather than returning to their original place, they began to encircle Shuichi instead. “What if Shuichi’s next? What if it’s him that I can’t save this time?”

Shuichi froze. The sphere of stars around him glowed brighter, sparks darting between them, making the Shadow’s intent clear. It was going to make Kaito’s fear come true, right now.

“Huh…?” Kaito gasped. “N-No…!”

Shuichi couldn’t move, couldn’t think. As the stars grew brighter still, he shut his eyes against it, his world becoming nothing but the light searing his eyelids, his heart hammering in his chest, and Kaito’s furious, desperate cries. “No! Leave him alone! Don’t you lay a finger on him! Shuichi! _Shuichi!_ ”

_I’m going to die._

_Is Kaito… going to count as the blackened who killed me?_

…No. No, that wasn’t possible.

Shuichi opened his eyes, raising a hand to shield them against the brightness. “That’s enough!” he called out, trying to calm his racing heartbeat by making his voice sound as confident as possible. The stars were still letting off threatening sparks, but nothing more.  His deduction was right. It had to be. “We both know this threat is a bluff.”

The stars’ pattern shifted. “Huh?” Shadow Kaito said. “How do you know that?”

“Because I believe in Kaito,” Shuichi said. “If you’re really a part of him like you seem to be, then you won’t hurt me. Kaito would never hurt one of his friends.” He squinted past the lights to where Kaito lay in pain on the ground. “You just… want to hurt _him_ , don’t you?”

Kaito’s eyes widened. “Shuichi… you…”

His Shadow gave a dejected laugh. “You figured it out. You always figure everything out, Shuichi.”

“O-Of course he does, dumbass!” Kaito shot back. “Where the hell do _you_ get off saying that when he’s _my_ sidekick?!”

“Is he, though?” his Shadow said, still in that defeated voice. “Do I really have the right to call him that, when I can’t even do anything for him?” The stars spiralled upwards into their original position, most likely reforming into their Kaito-like shape, but from here Shuichi couldn’t see that at all. They were just a vague cluster of distractingly bright lights, shining onto the pair of statues. “Maki Roll, too. They deserve so much more than I can give them.”

As Shuichi looked up at the glittering female statue opposite him, it finally hit him who this was a statue of. She had an almost completely indeterminate figure, her face smooth and blank as she stared up at the sky, except that at the back of her head, the silver was shaped faintly like a pair of pigtails. They weren’t anywhere near as long as in reality, but now that Shuichi had seen it, he couldn’t unsee it. It couldn’t be anyone but Maki.

 _Wait, then – the other one…_ Shuichi let go of the statue he was holding onto and backed away to get a proper look up at it. The faceless male figure’s pose was confident, pointing emphatically in front of him as he glinted in the starlight – like he was revealing the truth to everyone.

_Do I really look this… heroic?_

A pained roar of exertion snapped his attention back to Kaito, who was forcing himself to his feet. He stood there for a second, swaying, breathing heavily, and then threw himself at the pedestal’s leg again, scrambling to lever himself up onto the lowest foothold. “No!” he yelled. “I can do this!”

“Wh-What?” Shuichi stammered. “Why?” Why would Kaito put himself through this when he knew Shuichi wasn’t in any danger? When he was not only sick but now injured, too? “You don’t have to do this – you’ll just get hurt again!”

Kaito stopped to catch his breath, leaning almost all his weight against the metal structure like he could barely support himself. “See?” said his Shadow. The constellation began to float back towards him, a predator approaching a wounded prey. “Even Shuichi doesn’t believe in me.”

“Huh? No! I _never_ said that!” Shuichi grabbed at the stars as they flew past, but it was hopeless. “Get away from him!”

“Why would he?” the Shadow continued as if he hadn’t heard, his stars encircling Kaito more closely than before. “I’m hurt. I’m _scared_.” The stars’ brightness intensified, and Shuichi hated how powerless he was to stop what was coming. “Heroes aren’t supposed to be this way!”

“Sh-Shut up!” Kaito tried to turn his head away from the stars, but they were all around him. He screwed his eyes shut instead. “Y-You don’t know a damn thing about me!”

“What kind of hero is this _weak_!?” The lightning lashed out again – but this time, Kaito wasn’t caught off-guard. This time, he held on, refusing to let go even as the electricity coursed through his body.

Shuichi was almost glad it was so bright that he couldn’t look directly at it. He stood there, frozen, hating his uselessness, listening to the crackling electricity mix with the desperate, choked noises Kaito made as he fought to not cry out in pain. If only Kaito weren’t so stubborn, this wouldn’t even be happening.

“S-Stop,” Shuichi managed to say, not even sure which Kaito he was saying it to. “Please, just stop it!”

Whether due to Shuichi’s words or not – probably not – Kaito’s grip on the structure weakened. His legs buckled, and as he fell the Shadow’s electricity finally released him. He collapsed in a crumpled heap on the ground.

“D-Damn you…” he gasped, somehow still barely conscious. “I-I’m not…” His voice was broken and shaking, but in spite of that, there was something else to it, an undercurrent of relentless, manic stubbornness that hadn’t faded even now.

 _He’s not going to stop,_ Shuichi realised. _As long as I’m up here, he’s just going to keep getting himself hurt over and over again._

Suddenly, the distance to the ground didn’t seem quite so daunting. Shuichi _had_ to get off this thing, and he had to do it without anyone’s help.

His attention was drawn by the sound of Kaito breaking into a coughing fit, curling in on himself, but Shuichi forced his worry aside – all the more reason to get down as soon as possible – and focused on his task. Steeling himself, he crouched near the edge of the pedestal and levered his body off of it, reaching out to grab hold of the top of the leg that Kaito had been trying to climb. Refusing to let fear take hold of him, he slid carefully down the metal structure, right through Shadow Kaito’s cluster of stars that were still hanging there, that didn’t even threaten to attack him.

As he reached the bottommost part of the leg and jumped to the ground, he found that Kaito had stopped coughing and had managed to prop himself up on his hands and knees just a short distance away. Shuichi rushed to his side, kneeling down next to him. “Kaito, I’m okay,” he said. “You don’t—”

He broke off as he saw streaks of blood running down Kaito’s chin. It could have just been a result of his injuries, but more likely, it was because—

No. Worry about that problem later. Focus on the immediate threat for now.

The moment he tried to look back at the pedestal, Shadow Kaito’s stars swooped down to surround them both, forcing Shuichi to squint and turn his head away. “You came down, Shuichi,” the Shadow said. “You… you think I can’t support you, don’t you?” It was so bright, like he was about to attack again, but Shuichi was right there next to Kaito. Was his aim really that precise?

“Sh-Shuichi,” Kaito rasped, trying but failing to hide the pain in his voice. “D-Don’t worry about me. Just… get out of here.”

“But I’m safe!” Shuichi protested. “He won’t hurt me. And I can’t just stand back and watch _you_ get hurt any longer!” In a snap decision, he put a hand firmly on Kaito’s shoulder, shielding his eyes with his other hand as he faced up to the sphere of stars orbiting them. “If you try and hurt Kaito again, it’ll hurt me, too,” he told the Shadow. “We both know you won’t do that. This ends now.”

Kaito made a feeble attempt to pull away from him, but Shuichi held on. “S-Stop it, Shuichi,” he muttered, staring at the ground. There was a bitter edge to his voice that hadn’t been there before.

“Of course I’d need you to save me, Shuichi,” said his Shadow. “I can’t even save myself, but you – you’re always saving everyone. Why do you even need to look up to me?” His stars sped up in their orbit as he spoke, as if reflecting his agitation. “I’m the one who looks up to _you_! I’d give anything to be the hero you are!”

“Huh?” Shuichi looked at the real Kaito, hardly able to believe what he’d just heard. “Kaito, you’re… jealous of me?”

Kaito’s grimace worsened, and he turned his face away.

“No, it’s okay!” Shuichi tried to reassure him. “I just… I never thought…”

“Quit worrying about me!” For a moment, Shuichi thought the real Kaito had said that, but this was still his Shadow’s voice. The stars kept orbiting faster, twisting and turning around them, disorienting Shuichi. “You just gotta let me support you! Even if I’m weak, even if I’m not a hero, I gotta be able to do that at least!”

“No, Kaito!” Shuichi said. “You need to let us support _you_!” The real Kaito was still avoiding his gaze, but he hoped his words were getting through to both of them. “All this stuff you kept hidden from us, even though you’ve been telling us to share _our_ burdens—”

“It doesn’t matter!” Shadow Kaito protested, his stars so fast and frantic they were almost a blur. “You don’t get it! I gotta keep supporting you and Maki Roll! That’s the only thing that’s important!” All at once, every one of the stars flew outwards, dissipating into the night. “ _It doesn’t matter what happens to me!_ ”

In the ensuing silence, as Shuichi’s eyes adjusted to the sudden lack of brightness, he was finally able to make out the space in the shadows underneath the pedestal and see what had been there all along.

The pedestal wasn’t hovering. Shadow Kaito was holding it up.

The Shadow’s true form had never been the constellation – it was down here, a dull stone statue, bowed over on one knee from the sheer weight of the pedestal he was bearing on his shoulders. His form was covered with huge cracks through the stone, like wounds all over his body, strained by his burden as if he might shatter and fall apart any second. But the worst part was that unlike the statues up above, this one had a face – Kaito’s face, grimacing in unimaginable pain, yet with a grim sense of resolve to it. Like he was okay with this. Like he’d chosen this. Like his suffering was worth it if it was for the sake of those Shuichi-and-Maki-shaped statues up there.

 _Damn it… not again…_ Shuichi felt something desperate and anguished swell up inside him like it was going to burst. _Why is everyone closest to me like this? Why does he worry about everybody except himself?_

“Of _course_ it matters what happens to you, you idiot!” came Maki’s voice, piercing the darkness. Shuichi turned to see her approaching at a run, something long and heavy in her hands, fierce determination in her eyes. “I used to think _my_ suffering didn’t matter. _You_ were the one who made me realise that it did. How can you say that about yourself?”

As she reached the pedestal, she halted in her tracks, and Shuichi got a proper look at the weapon she’d brought. It was a mace – the perfect weapon for destroying a stone statue.

Maki was staring at the real Kaito, her expression darkening as she saw the state he was in. “I thought I told you to keep him safe until I got back.”

Shuichi gaped at Maki, realisation hitting him. _She was asking me to protect Kaito from the start._ “I… there was nothing I could do – he…”

Maki scowled and turned back to the Shadow. “Of course he did. That idiot.” Hefting the mace in her hands, she smashed it into his stone body. “Put that thing down,” she demanded. “Stop carrying the burden all by yourself, you _hypocrite_. Don’t you trust us?”

Shadow Kaito only groaned in pain at the impact, not even moving to defend himself. He couldn’t, Shuichi realised, not when it was taking both of his arms and all of his strength to keep supporting the pedestal like his whole world depended on it. “Of course I do!” he protested. “But… if I can’t do this for you guys, then you’d never trust _me_ anymore! Why would you share your burdens with someone who can’t even carry his own?”

“What you just said is that you _don’t_ trust us,” Maki snapped. “You think we’d turn our backs on you if we knew about this.” Her mace crashed into the Shadow, harder than before. “How stupid can you be?” Fuelled by her frustration, she grew relentless, striking him over and over again. “How could you _possibly_ think – after you accepted me for who _I_ am – that I would _ever_ not do the same for you?”

“Calm down, Maki!” Shuichi found himself saying, unnerved by her aggression and the awful groaning, grinding sounds of the stone Kaito’s pain. “A-Are you sure attacking him is helping? He’s still a part of Kaito, so…”

Maki lowered her mace and sighed, looking torn. “I don’t know. This is his ‘enemy’, right? So I thought… if he couldn’t fight it himself yet, we’d need to help him.” Shadow Kaito was shaking, struggling even harder with his burden yet still utterly refusing to let it go. “But this one’s even more of an idiot than the real thing,” admitted Maki, stepping away from the Shadow and looking to Kaito himself. Her anger fell away, leaving only concern. “Talk to him, Shuichi,” she said. “Get him to see sense.”

Kaito hadn’t said a word in a while, Shuichi realised as he turned to him, unsure which of the hundreds of thoughts clamouring in his mind was the right thing to say. He’d had his hand on Kaito’s shoulder this whole time; it didn’t feel right to let go now even though the danger had passed. Kaito was avoiding his eye, staring at the ground, his gaze pained and hesitant. He still seemed mentally there, aware of everything that was going on, but it was like he couldn’t bring himself to respond to any of it.

It suddenly hit Shuichi that he knew this feeling. He’d been there himself, back in Kaede’s trial, when his only way out had been to accept the truth he’d been terrified to face. Kaito had to be feeling just as trapped right now – but in his case, the very fact that he was afraid was part of the truth he didn’t want to admit to.

“It’s okay to be scared, Kaito,” Shuichi told him, watching him carefully for any sign of a reaction. “If you think heroes aren’t allowed to be that way, then _I’m_ not a hero either. I’m _always_ scared.”

Kaito’s gaze shifted just slightly, flickering with a hint of realisation.

“I’ve only been able to be strong at all lately because of _you_ ,” Shuichi continued, encouraged by his response. “Because you’ve been there for me.”

Kaito glanced away again. “But…”

His Shadow finished the thought for him. “Then I’ve failed you even more,” he moaned. “Now that you’ve seen how weak I really am, you won’t… I can’t…”

“That’s _wrong_! You’re _not_ that weak!” objected Shuichi. “Look at this burden you’ve been carrying all by yourself!” he said, pointing emphatically at Shadow Kaito. “Look at how hard you tried to save me just now, even though you’re sick and injured,” he told the real Kaito. “That’s incredible. You’re more than strong enough to keep supporting us. You never had to hide your own problems and hurt yourself even more to be able to do so.”

“Shuichi’s overthinking things,” Maki put in. “It doesn’t matter how strong or weak you are. That… wasn’t what saved me.” She glanced away, less guarded than she’d ever been before tonight. “All it took was… someone reckless enough to believe in me, and stubborn enough to not give up on me.”

“M-Maki Roll…?” Raising his head, Kaito stared at her in astonishment.

“Yeah, she’s right,” Shuichi said. “You’ve done so much for me, and it wasn’t even really because you were strong. It was because you’re _you_ , Kaito.”

Kaito met his eyes at last. “Shuichi…” he said. “You…”

He was still hesitating. He just needed one last push. “I know you can do this,” Shuichi told him, trying his best to smile, like Kaito always did for him. “I believe in you, now more than ever.”

“Why?” Shadow Kaito cried out. “You shouldn’t! I’m pathetic! I let you down! I can’t even—”

“Hey, man,” Kaito told his Shadow. “What’re you doing, doubting Shuichi like that? You should listen to him, y’know.” Despite everything, Kaito was smiling. Not a huge, dazzling grin for the sake of others, but a quiet smile that was just for himself. “After all, he is our sidekick.”

Hearing Kaito say that – acknowledging that he and his Shadow were the same person, without a hint of reluctance in his voice – Shuichi felt some of his tension fade away. “Kaito…”

“Thanks, guys,” he said. “I’m alright now.” He caught Shuichi’s eye, and then Maki’s, a small spark of his usual confidence beginning to return to him. “Finish him off, Maki Roll.”

Maki held his gaze wordlessly for a moment, then turned back to the Shadow. “Well?” she demanded. “Are you ready to put that thing down now, or do I have to make you?”

Shadow Kaito was still trembling as he fought to keep supporting the pedestal’s weight, the cracks through his body even more severe than before. It seemed like a miracle he hadn’t already fallen apart. “N-No…” he stammered.  “I can’t… H-How can he—”

“Fine, then,” snapped Maki, darting forward. With frightening precision, she dealt the Shadow four vicious blows with her mace, first to his elbows, then to his knees, shattering each on impact. As he broke into pieces, losing all hope of supporting his burden, Shadow Kaito let out a wailing, desperate, agonised scream. Shuichi winced, averting his eyes, his hand unconsciously tightening on Kaito’s shoulder. Even with the distorted voice, it still sounded more than enough like Kaito that it hurt to listen to.

The next thing he heard was a heavy, resounding thud. Shuichi looked back to see the Shadow in pieces on the ground, the base of the pedestal resting a short distance above him, sparing him from being crushed further. The lunar lander had landed, standing quite stably on the three legs that it had always had, as if those two statues on top had never really needed Shadow Kaito’s support at all.

 _That’s not true,_ Shuichi thought fervently as the implications of this sank in. _How could even a part of Kaito have ever thought that?_

The Shadow began to dissolve from the bottom up, pedestal and all, dissipating into the same reddish-black smoke it had appeared from. The smoke faded, leaving the Shadow’s human form lying collapsed on the ground where the broken pieces of the statue had been. He stirred and opened his eyes, staring dully ahead of himself.

“Get up,” Maki said, standing over him with her mace hanging limply from one hand. Shadow Kaito looked up at her, not moving from where he lay. “You should be able to,” Maki went on. “You’re not carrying that thing any more.”

After another moment passed without him responding, Maki offered him her free arm, bristling with impatience. All that did was make him flinch away from her. She let out a frustrated sigh.

“Leave him to me,” Kaito told her. “I got this.” He tried to stand, but his body still wasn’t co-operating, his face twisting to bite back a cry of pain. Shuichi was about to say something, worried he’d keep trying to force himself, when Kaito reached an arm around his shoulders for support.

Shuichi caught his eye and smiled. He held onto Kaito, waiting as he readied himself with a few steadying breaths. Without words, they both moved at the same time, heaving Kaito to his feet amidst his groan of exertion. It took more of Shuichi’s strength than he’d been expecting, but all the same he managed to help Kaito stagger his way forwards to where the Shadow still lay on the ground.

Kaito looked down at his other self for a moment. All at once, he broke into a familiar kind of grin, his free hand clenching into an encouraging fist.

“Listen up,” he said. “I don’t wanna hear any of that complaining from earlier.” His voice was still tinged with pain, but his usual charisma shone through nonetheless. “Yeah, I get it. You’re weak. Weaker than you want to be, at any rate. But… as long as you realise that, you can work to get stronger. You should know that, right?”

Slowly, Shadow Kaito raised his head to look up at his other self.

“Thing is, you can’t do that alone,” Kaito went on. “No-one can. And no-one was ever expecting you to… except for me.” He glanced away, running his free hand through his hair. “I’m… sorry about that. I shouldn’t have blamed everything on you, when you’re no different from anybody else.”

At these words, his Shadow pushed himself up into a sitting position, staring at Kaito in astonishment.

“But hey, you know the best part?” Kaito was grinning again. “You’re _not_ alone. You’ve got some amazing friends who won’t ever abandon you, even if you wanted them to.” The Shadow’s gaze moved to Shuichi and then to Maki with a kind of longing. Kaito’s grin melted into a more serious expression. “I know how you feel. You want to help them out, no matter what, right? But, y’know… right now, the best way you can do that is by letting them help _you_.”

He reached down, offering his arm to help his Shadow up – and this time, the Shadow took it. Shuichi and Maki joined to help Kaito pull his other self to his feet.

“That’s the spirit,” he said, looking his double straight in the eye. “So I don’t wanna see my new sidekick moping around anymore, got it?”

Shadow Kaito’s eyes widened, like a child who’d just been given a present he wasn’t sure was for him. “Your… sidekick?”

“Of course! You deserve it just as much as they do, y’know?”

For the first time, Shadow Kaito broke into a small smile. It was nothing on one of Kaito’s trademark dazzling grins, but even so, with a smile on his face, the Shadow didn’t seem so different from Kaito at all.

Maki rolled her eyes, in that way that Shuichi had come to learn meant she was more amused than she was letting on. “Did he seriously just become his own sidekick?”

Shuichi chuckled softly. “Only Kaito, right?”

As they spoke, the Shadow, still smiling, turned translucent and began to fade away – or rather, Shuichi supposed, he was merging back with Kaito where he belonged. Once he’d faded completely, Kaito’s own smile became a grimace, and he sagged in Shuichi’s grip, breathing hard.

“A-Are you okay?” asked Shuichi, having to work harder to hold him up. “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing that wasn’t already,” Kaito said between breaths, giving a strained smile. “Can we… sit down?”

“O-Of course.” To Shuichi’s relief, Maki came to support Kaito from the other side, and together they managed to make their way over to the bench under the terrace. Sitting down, Kaito let go of them both and leaned back against the picnic table, staring straight up through the wisterias at the night sky.

Shuichi and Maki sat with him in silence. Kaito was taking deep, steadying breaths, and from so close by Shuichi could hear a slight shakiness to them. Not that this was surprising, after everything Kaito had just been through – but it felt almost strange, having him comfortably show vulnerability in front of them like this. Still, it was a good kind of strange. The kind that meant he’d grown a bit stronger already.

After a minute or so, Kaito leaned forward. His gaze shifted around awkwardly, a kind of nervous tension to him like he wanted to say something but couldn’t quite bring himself to do so.

Shuichi had a feeling he knew what it was. He was afraid to bring it up, too. He’d managed to avoid thinking about it for the whole encounter because there’d been more immediate problems to deal with, but they couldn’t ignore it forever. Kaito still hadn’t wiped the blood from his mouth; he must have forgotten it was there.

In the end, Maki spoke up first. “So… you weren’t planning on ever telling us that you’re dying, were you.” She wasn’t looking at him, gripping the edge of the bench, her knuckles white. “Did you think we’d be okay with it when you just… dropped dead, without warning?”

Kaito winced, and Shuichi decided to shift the topic slightly. “How bad is it?” he asked. He was afraid of learning the truth, but he had to know where they stood.

Kaito didn’t answer straight away, staring at his hands in his lap as he fidgeted with them. “It’s… pretty bad,” he said eventually, and stopped there.

He wasn’t trying to lie to them any more. That was something, but… “What does that mean?” Shuichi urged. “I’m sorry… I know you don’t want to talk about it, but I need to know more than this.”

Kaito glanced at him, then away again. “Wh-Why? I know… I should be letting you help me. But…” His hands balled into fists as he grimaced in frustration, and somehow Shuichi got a fleeting sense of how lost and trapped Kaito had been feeling about this for the past several days. “There’s nothing you can do about this, y’know? What’s the point when it’ll just make you worry even more?”

Shuichi shifted on the bench to face him directly. “Don’t talk like you’ve given up!” he insisted. “That’s not like you at all. The impossible is possible, right?”

“It better be,” Maki put in, staring fixedly at a spot on the ground. “I’ve only ever taken lives. This is the first time I’ve wanted to save one. It can’t just… not be possible.” Her glare grew fiercer. “It can’t.”

Kaito looked between them both, stunned. Shuichi took the chance to continue. “Listen, Kaito… when I saw your Shadow – what he really looked like – it… it reminded me of Kaede. She was so selfless that she got herself killed for it.” He winced, fighting back images of that awful, awful execution. “I’m not going through that again. Not if there’s anything I can do about it. There has to be some way that we can save you. You have to let us _try_.”

Kaito’s face had grown increasingly concerned as Shuichi spoke – but now he managed to smile. “Alright.” He drew in a breath. “What do you want me to tell you?”

“I suppose… what I really need to know is: how long do we have?” asked Shuichi. “Can you give us an estimate, based on how fast it’s been worsening?”

“Hm.” Kaito’s brows creased together. It couldn’t have been easy for him to think about this. “It’s getting worse pretty fast, but… I should have… a few more days at least before I…” He shook his head fiercely. “No. A week. I gotta be able to make it a week.”

Shuichi could hear the forced optimism in Kaito’s voice, could tell that he was afraid he wouldn’t be able to last that long at all. But even so, Shuichi had no doubt that Kaito would fight his illness with everything he had, so perhaps that much optimism was warranted.

“Then there’s still time.”

Kaito’s gaze rose to meet his. “Time for what?” There was a quiet urgency in his voice. “What are you going to do, Shuichi?”

“We’re going to escape, of course,” Shuichi said, trying to sound as confident as he could, for Kaito’s sake. “There’s no proof that whatever you’re sick with is incurable. We just don’t have the medical know-how to deal with it in here. If we can get you to a hospital, you should be fine.”

“That’s right,” Maki agreed fervently. “Everyone keeps talking about escaping, but nobody’s ever acted on it since Kaede. That’s because it feels _safer_ to just stay here and hope another killing won’t happen.” She glanced at Kaito, concern mixing with determination. “But not now. Not for you.”

All at once, Kaito broke into a huge grin, reaching his arms around the two of them. “Alright then, it’s decided!” he declared. “We’re getting out of here! But first, we should get some sleep. I know I’m beat, but you two have gotta be tired too. You can’t be thinking up escape plans like that. We’ll meet up first thing tomorrow to start planning, got it?”

“Y-Yeah…” Shuichi mumbled. Even though he’d been the one to suggest it, suddenly the thought of having to come up with an escape plan seemed overwhelming. There were just so many variables, so many things they didn’t know enough about yet. And if he messed up, Kaito… no, maybe everyone, would…

“Hey, Shuichi,” Kaito said quietly, giving him a nudge. “What’re you looking so nervous for? You too, Maki Roll,” he added, drawing her out of the silent, grim stare she’d adopted. “Don’t worry! You got this!”

Maki glanced at him briefly, then sighed, her posture still tense. “How can you be so sure…?”

“Cuz you’re my sidekicks, of course!” Kaito clapped them both on the shoulders enthusiastically. “I only pick sidekicks that I know can get the job done! And, besides…” His voice grew more subdued, but no less earnest. “You both turned out to be even more amazing than I thought. You’ve already saved me once. Of course you’re gonna do it again.”

Shuichi didn’t feel like he and Maki had really done all that much to save Kaito from his Shadow just now. In the end, it had been Kaito’s own strength that had overcome it. But clearly Kaito didn’t see it that way. Shuichi remembered the two silver statues on top of the Shadow’s pedestal – he saw them as heroes.

Kaito’s grip tightened just a little on Shuichi’s shoulder as he looked between them both imploringly. It might have been because Shuichi knew the truth now, or just because Kaito wasn’t trying so hard to hide it anymore, but Shuichi could sense something almost anxious behind Kaito’s usual confident gaze.

“I believe in you guys,” Kaito said. “Isn’t that enough?”

After a second, Maki finally relaxed, a hint of a smile flitting across her face.

Shuichi smiled, too. “Yeah,” he said. “Thanks, Kaito. That’s more than enough.”

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! You may also like to look at my art of [Shadow Kaito and his berserk form](https://elyvorg.tumblr.com/post/178485254162/to-everyone-in-the-presumably-fairly-large).


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